It’s important to me…
I saw a quote by one of my favorite national leaders this week: Exceptional self-leadership is value-driven, Andy Stanley.
Confetti and a big brass band burst forth in agreement from the places where deep things are known. Yes and amen. But this powerful statement needs legs, arms, and voice because I don’t think we really know what it looks like even though we know what it means and may even agree whole heartedly.
So, here’s what it looks like in my present context:
I recently accepted a part time holiday position at Target. (Come see me!) I agreed to spend my time there doing one very specific task, and that was where I was for the first two weeks. Just as I was gaining confidence and developing instinctual knowledge of my area, they moved me…a lot…repeatedly. I haven’t worked in my area for the last couple weeks. I don’t like it. Do I suck it up and keep going? Do I quit? No and no. The best way forward is to have a kind value-based conversation with my leader. I’m leading myself to do what needs to be done to get where I want to be.
“Donna, it’s important to me that the work I do while I’m here is meeting the needs of the customers and level of excellence that Target is known for (this is my value). When I get placed in a role that I am not trained in, I am not able to do either of these things (this is the misalignment). Is there a way I could either receive more training or be placed in areas where I can perform well (what I want)?”
If someone came up to you and said this, how might you respond emotionally? How might you respond to her? I feel good about every part of that conversation intro simply because it’s what’s important to me. I’m giving her the chance to learn about me, improve the quality of work I deliver, and to be more peaceful on my shift.
Here is another personal relational example:
“Brenda, spending time with you makes my day and life better. You are important to me. When you show up late, I am sad that we miss the opportunity to be together. Is there a way for you to let me know when you need to change our meet up time?”
Where in your life can you use this sentence?
“Friend/Child/Boss/Person, it’s important to me that [state value]. When ________ happens, I feel/am [insert personal emotion or misalignment]. Is there a way [name what you want]?”
It’s important to know why certain things matter to us.
It’s important that the people we are close to also know what is important to us.
It’s important for us to put words to it. This is how we move towards contentment. Only then can the people that matter support and help us with the issues that matter. We will be able to say with confidence, my life matters.
What do you think? Could you begin a tough conversation this way? How would it go?