Brought to Fullness

When Covid shut down the world, losing the library was a strong right hook to my weekly breaks. I loved the library. I loved the vertical lines of spines on the shelves and the array of colors they display. I loved that noise was illegal and they had given some nice person the sole job of making sure no one was disruptive. It was an expansive place filled with generations of ideas and carefully crafted words. Oh, the smells. I loved an entire building that smelled of ink on the page. 

Every kind of person came to the library. A very tired and fussy man was talking to himself as I was waiting outside one morning. “L.E.T.A.M.A.N.I.N. I say! Let a man in!” He looked like he had been up most of the night and was demanding a place to rest a while. A young mother with her infant, toddler, and preschooler arrived for storytime. A business woman tapped her foot as an elderly man carefully slid his books in the bin one….by….one. Everyone was welcome at the library.

If you told me I had four hours to do what I wanted in this beautiful place, I would feel blessed and free. I would peruse the shelves smiling at the covers and analyze the titles and guess at what’s inside. I would ask myself if these writers were pleased to know their books were here. Did they see it as a museum of linguistic greatness or a forgotten graveyard? 

 If you put me in the same place with the same beauty, but instead told me that I couldn’t leave and had to use what was already there to make a life, it would ruin my joy, curiosity, and freedom. For starters, there is no kitchen; only books about food, growing food, nutritional facts, food with faces and principles, but nothing to nourish myself. All shadow, no substance. The library would not be a gift. The library would become a prison.

Your personality is a library, unless you don’t allow yourself the freedom to be more than that. Then, your personality is a prison.

A prison shuts down creative choices. The walls are erected to limit life and access to opportunity. Fear and punishment are the cornerstones. Our understanding of ourselves can construct false borders. Self-esteem can become self-focus. Introversion can become isolation. Exuberance can become demanding. Our personality can frustrate kingdom progress and personal satisfaction. Our library of experiences has strength and wisdom to offer as long as we understand it too has limits. 

There is a lot of beauty and truth held in how we were made and what life has taught us. It’s not enough. We were also made to need more than what we hold inside; to reach outside ourselves. I fear we have learned independence. That independence forces us to believe our only options are the ones we can do ourselves. Our life with God will require more than what our personality can offer us. When we learn and grow, then our personality isn’t a prison, but a beautiful library. It’s a library of prayers prayed, midnight conversations, traumas, survival, mystery, celebrations, unmet longings, dreams, maps, and timelines. These cataloged experiences are important but they are only a piece of the sacred life we’re after.

I identify as a high-functioning introvert, primarily emotional, a dollup of intellect, and deeply reflective. Rest comes easy but that also means I experience hurdles with efficient effective action. I have no-showed to job interviews. I have built a cage of loneliness through being too quiet. I have felt purposeless because of my dry imagination. I used to be quiet, socially awkward, and scared of my own shadow.  The stories of miraculous grace of Jesus were experienced when I freely moved outside my self-imposed limits. 

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” 

1 Corinthians 15:10

Over the last fifteen years or so I have learned to speak up about what I need, engage in small talk (Side note: small talk is necessary, my dear friends. It is the landing before the stairs. There’s no way around it.)  I can successfully plan and execute meals for the week, greet a new friend, begin to dream, and recognize the value I add. I have had to learn to stretch past my strong emotional intuition, shy demeanor, fear of failure, and press into action. Last spring, I ran toward a literal fire to rescue the passengers of a car. That is the fruit of change.

I changed through seeing others model freedom, heal from trauma, watching how-to influencers teach tips, and lots of books...but then engaged my body and retrained my predispositions. Most importantly, I began asking Jesus to be the confidence I needed.

We have been given the resources to do what we need to do today. This does not imply self-sufficiency. We have been given other people and we are gifts to them. We come with varying skills and perspectives that will build a life and provide a way forward. I know you have a story or two about an interaction that gave you insight, encouraged your disappointed heart, fed your grieving family, and so much more. Friends that held a set of keys which unlocked hidden resources of grace God had planted in the deeper parts of your weakness. 

We are full of surprises. We will discover them when we say yes and stretch beyond our personality. You are enough today, for today. 

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO FULLNESS. He is the head over every power and authority.”  Colossisans 2: 8-10

 Along with our own, we have the personality of the Holy Spirit. He has the power and authority to revoke our predispositions. He only needs to be recognized and trusted more than Myers Briggs, horoscope signs, enneagram, a parent’s memory, teacher’s comments, psychologists, DSM-V, and other philosophies and traditions. Let the fullness of Christ heal, mature, and empower you for Kingdom work. There is more and he’s the one to do it.

The introvert can initiate and gather friends around a meal (when covid numbers are low, in Jesus name. Amen) The workaholic can learn to rest and believe what she was able to accomplish that week will be blessed by the One who called her to work. These are the ones who felt the freedom to use their traits to serve God’s purpose and to go after others for what remained. When you have the Spirit, you have more than the library of you. You have access to the world. He empowers you. Success might just require you to break out of the prison of your personality and grab a bite to eat. 

WHAT I WANT TO REMEMBER:

What changes have you noticed in your personality over the last five years?

What self-imposed limits do you experience as a result of your personality? Who is there to help?