Be free from achievement.
“I thought by the time I was your age I would have more figured out.” (me, 25)
“Will there ever come time when I won’t struggle to believe God?” (me, 40)
When I say statements like this I am longing for progress and strength, or that my life would be manageable. I don’t really pay attention to the underlying assumption that faith and sanctification can be achieved somehow. I don’t realize that if my faith were achieved, then my eyes are turned inward and downward on myself. If my sanctification were to be accomplished, then I would be praised by those around me. Respect and admiration would pour over me, and resolve all manner of insecurities and loneliness.
I wouldn’t dare say any of this out loud to you…although now I’m writing it down. This assumption opens the curtain just enough for you to see that I have enough resources to keep struggle and pain at a distance long enough to convince everyone I’m winning. You will celebrate how well I’m doing, how strong I am, and I will believe you.
Regretfully, I acknowledge that I feel better about your uninformed praise than I do with the compassionate gaze of Jesus. When I feel insecure and consider the truth about myself, I don’t like how much I need the goodness of God. I want to feel the confidence you have in me. When struggle and pain creep in, I see it as failure. God has appointed pain for me so I can know that he is comfort, strength, wisdom, and peace. Celebrating his wins is more satisfying than celebrating mine.
What is it to have a faith that is not about me, what I achieve, how much I have, or how high I’ve climbed? When I grow in love and mercy, I grow in faith. It is not measured in distance, but in intensity and flexibility. Finding ways to practice the unchanging truth that God is good and powerful is best seen through my weakness. Weakness is where grace lays her head. So a faith that digs deeper glorifies God’s achievement. It turns my eyes and the eyes of those around me to the Initiator and Sustainer.
When my heart is broken but I can still love…
When I am disappointed but can still move forward…
When I am angry but can remain quiet…
I am not showing you how far I’ve come, but the victory of the Spirit working in me, which I have yielded to. I am heartbroken, disappointed, and angry. He is loving, hoping, and self-controlled. Perfect faith is not an achievement but a distraction from the love and mercy of God at work in our life. There is nothing good that lives in me, that is, my human nature, but only the goodness of God, by the power of the Holy Spirit, because of the work of Jesus. I’m just me looking for him, listening to him, and moving with him. This is where I plant my feet.
Let’s be free from self-glorifying achievement and constant evaluation, Sister-Saint. Instead, let’s turn our attention to the One who satisfies and sustains us with his Glory.